Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
