Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
