Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
