Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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