You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
