i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
