Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
