Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
