Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
