You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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