Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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