ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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