Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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