i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
