Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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