This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
