I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
