I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
