I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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