P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
