i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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