your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
