I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
