Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
