oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
