I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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