I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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