dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
