i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
