I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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