Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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