I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
