I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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