You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
