she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
