A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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