maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
