Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
