If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
