did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
