shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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