I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
