ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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