Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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