i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
