I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
