dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
