your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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