Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
