The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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