I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
